


Take a chance, make a change

by supercali



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Robron Week 2019, what if
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-01-06 11:08:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18387218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supercali/pseuds/supercali
Summary: What if the lodge never happened and Robert and Chrissie were still together when the helicopter crashed?





	1. Chapter 1

“You don’t have to rush off.” Robert’s leaning back against the headboard, eyes on his phone, hair all over the place thanks to Aaron’s fingers. “We’ve got plenty of time.”

“Debbie’s wedding remember?” He gulps back the last of his coffee and looks up as he catches Robert’s gaze. “So, where does she think you are this time?”

“Harrogate. Are you free tonight?”

“Never been to a Dingle party have you? Not tonight.”

“Tomorrow then?” He sighed.

“How long is this going on for?”

“Why? You bored already?” He puts his phone down at last, stares right at him, and he almost wishes he wouldn’t because those eyes are addicting and make it very hard to say no to him.

It’s been nine months give or take, nine months of wanting Robert to leave his wife, nine months of secret meetings, looks across the bar. He can’t say he didn’t know what he was getting into but a part of him had hoped Robert would leave Chrissie, despite his assurances he wouldn’t. Maybe that made Aaron an idiot but no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t keep away from him.

“You know I’m not, but we both know it can’t go on forever. Maybe you need to finally make up your mind.” He grabs his jeans from the floor, tugging them on.

“Aaron, you know it’s not that simple.”

“It is though. You say you love me, but you won’t leave her. So either you’re lying to me, or there’s somethin’ else going on.” Robert starts to protest but he’s heard it all before. “I don’t have time to hear more excuses Robert. You know what I think.”

“Are you ending it?”

“If I did?” Robert doesn’t answer and Aaron’s knows what would happen. His face says it all. “That’s what I thought.”

He leaves then, because if he stays he knows what will happen, Robert will talk, make it all sound perfect and he’ll fall for it like he had before. It wasn’t that he wanted to end it. It wasn’t like he wanted to settle down particularly, but he’d never liked having to hide. It was too much effort, exhausting some days.

When he gets home his Mum is flitting round the back room, already dressed in her outfit. He doesn’t want to get stopped by her and questioned about where he’d been. She was still convinced he was seeing Robert and there were only so many lies he could tell and keep his conscience happy. She didn’t get it, she didn’t get him. Either of them.

His phone lights up as he’s tying his tie. Robert. He makes himself ignore it. It won’t hurt him to have to wait. Maybe he’ll think on what he said.

There had been days when he’d imagined going up to Home Farm and telling Chrissie everything, in excruciating detail, and ending it that way. Part of him wanted to, every time he thought about all the harsh words Robert had said to him. But there was the other side to Robert, the one that he didn’t let many people see.

He probably thinks Aaron doesn’t notice, but when they risk going out, far from home, he sees the look on his face when no one bats an eyelid at the two of them, and he realises he’s scared.

Aaron knows how that feels, knows what it’s like to have your secret talked about before you’re ready, and as much as he wants Robert for himself, he’s not going to be the one to do make it public.

He’s not really in the mood for a wedding. After all the last one he went to had been Robert’s. He supposed at least he could get drunk. That sounded really good right now, to forget everything for a little while.

His phone lights up again, this time it’s Adam. His mate is going through his own stuff and he feels guilty that maybe he’s not been there as much as he should have been the past few weeks. He texts back telling him to meet him outside the church. If the wedding’s a blow out they can always go into Hotten.

His luck is out and his Mum catches him on his way down the stairs.

“Where were you last night?”

“At a mates like I told you.” He pushes her hand away as she goes to straighten his tie like he’s five years old.

“You’ve acquired a lot of mates just recently haven’t you.”

“I can be a social outcast if you prefer?”

“Hmm, well, as long as it’s just mates that you’re seeing. Victoria told me that Robert’s gone away. On business apparently.” It’s like she can see into his head and he has to fight not to let it show on his face.

“Wow, that’s really front page news. You should call the Courier.”

“Don’t get smart with me! I don’t want you going back there.”

“For the last time I’m not!” She stares at him and he wants to squirm under the scrutiny. She looks away first, looking at her watch.

“We’re going to be late. You go on, I’ve got to check the kitchen.”

He leaves the pub with a sigh, feels guilty for lying but she just doesn’t understand. She doesn’t see the same Robert as he does. The one when they’re alone, when he lets the walls drop. He knows that chances are she never will but he’s spent too long doing things for other people. For as long as it lasts, he’ll make the most of it.

“Oi faceache! What’s the matter with you?” Adam’s slumped on the bench by the church looking miserable. “Is it Vic? Has she changed her mind about everything?”

“No. She’s great.”

“But…”

“It’s not fair is it? Me saddling her with a kid.”

“I’d say she’s made her choice and you know as well as I do that Vic doesn’t do anything she doesn’t want.”

“Look at you with all the advice! What’s got into you?” He shrugs. He hates keeping secrets from Adam, but his mate has a big mouth and it’s too risky.

He’s itching to text Robert back, always has by now, but a part of him wants to make him wait, make him know what it’s like, always waiting for a call or text.

“I hope you’re pleased with yourself!” He looks up to see Rhona glaring at Adam, something about Vanessa leaving.

Sometimes he thinks about leaving, him and Robert, taking off to where no one knows them, start again. It’s a ridiculous dream though.

“I’ve had enough of this. I’ll see you later.” Adam sighs when Rhona’s gone.

“I’ll come with you.”

“Nah mate. I’d rather be on me own.” He slopes off and Aaron checks his phone again before he stuffed in his pocket.

*****

Robert stays in the hotel when Aaron’s gone. He’d told Chrissie he’d be out all day so he can’t go home without awkward questions. He’d wanted to spend the day with Aaron but the blasted wedding had got in the way. He hadn’t been invited, not that he’d expected to be. Debbie was hardly his biggest fan and Pete, well he was alright but he seemed a bit of a bore.

His Dad would’ve liked him, he thinks idly, texting Aaron again. He was frustrated that he’d not answered. He knew he was annoyed, he’d had that look, the same one he always got whenever Chrissie was mentioned. He knew what Aaron wanted, he wanted him all to hisself. Not that Robert didn’t want that, at least a part of him did. He often imagined it. It wasn’t that simple though.

Aaron wouldn’t be the one losing everything, all that he’d worked for the past few years. Maybe it was wrong that he craved success, the money, but he’d spent long enough without either to ever want to go back there.

There was no good way for it to happen. Chrissie would go spare, her chucking him out would be the least of his worries. He’d have nothing, and likely his family would turn their back on him too, like they always did.

He did love her, it wasn’t just about the money like everyone thought. He wasn’t just the trophy husband, that everyone thought he was.. The problem was he’d begun to feel trapped, stifled almost. Living with Lawrence had never been on the agenda and had made everything feel so much worse. He knew he was just waiting for his chance to send Robert packing with a flea in his ear.

All of that he could cope with if he had to, no the real reason why he and Aaron couldn’t be anything more. Every time he imagined it, it all came rushing back. The words, the throbbing bruises that had ached for days, each one a reminder. The look in his Dad’s eyes was the worst though. Disappointment was nothing new, but the look of disgust, that he could never banish from his mind.

He could tell himself he didn’t care all he liked, could pretend he hated his Dad, didn’t care what he thought, when all he’d wanted was him to understand, to listen, to support him, to not make him feel like he’d failed.

All he wanted was to be loved, unconditionally.

He knew he could tell Aaron all of it, he’d understand, he knew that. Aaron hadn’t had it easy either. If he did though, then he’d be making it all real. Once he said it out loud then he had to face it and he wasn’t ready to do that. He didn’t know if he ever would be.

All the others before had never got him like this, but Aaron, he’d got under his skin, pretty much from the moment they’d met, before he even knew there could be a chance.

Everything was such a mess. That at least was something he was good at, he thought bitterly. He couldn’t lose Aaron, he knew that much. They’d been through too much for him to just walk away. He just couldn’t give up Chrissie either.

He texts him one more tie before getting up. He’d go to the scrapyard, maybe there he could get some peace until he could safely go home without getting the third degree.

*****

The office is stifling, but it’s quiet and he manages to clear the paperwork that Aaron and Adam were so fond of leaving to the last minute. He’s almost dozing off in the heat when he hears a crash from outside. Looking out of the window he sees Adam.

“Why aren’t you at the wedding?”

“Not my thing. Vic said you were on business somewhere didn’t she?”

“Got back early. Are you working?”

“May as well shift some of this. Are you gonna help?”

“Nah. Can’t be getting these clothes dirty can I?” He ducks back into the office leaving him to it. They get on well enough but he’s not sure they’ll ever be friends. As long as Vic was happy then he’d leave them be.  
  
He’s just about to lock up an hour or so later when he hears a bang and flames shoot up outside the window.

He freezes. All of a sudden he’s fourteen and standing outside the barn listening to his Mum scream. He can almost taste the smoke like he did that night, and his chest feels tight.

“Robert!” The faint shout reaches his ears and it knocks him back to the present. It’s Adam. He manages to make himself move, rushing down the steps, trying not to look at the flames that are far too close for comfort.

“Adam?”

“Here! I’m stuck.” He scrambles over to him, sees him trapped under a heap of metal sheets. “I slipped and this lot came down on me. I was draining the tank of that car and…I don’t know what happened. Somethin’ must’ve sparked.”

When he gets closer he sees that it’s not heavy, it’s just at such an angle that Adam can’t free himself easily. As he finally gets it to budge a little he realises just how close the flames are to reaching the gas tanks stored behind the portacabin.

Adam’s eyes follow his and he starts panicking. “Adam! Look at me. If you panic then I can’t do this. One more try, yeah?”

“You should go.”

“Yeah? You think Aaron would ever forgive me for leaving ya?”

“Not like you’re mates is it?”

“Well this might make him like me a bit more. Now come on. When I shift this, you free your leg. Right, go!”

Someone is clearly looking down on him because this time the metal gives enough for Adam to move and the two of them stumble away. He’s dragging his phone from his pocket when they’re blown backwards by the explosion.

It’s almost in slow motion. There’s more loud bangs and he sees one of the tanks fly into the air. Then he notices the helicopter.

He throws his phone at Adam shouts for him to call 999 and then he runs. He’s far enough away from the village that he sees it, sees the helicopter heading straight for them, the stupid fairground that’s suddenly appeared, the village hall where everyone is partying away.

There’s nothing he can do, there’s no time and he’s no phone to call anyone with. All he can do is watch in horror as the helicopter spins out of control before crashing into the hall.

His heart is beating out of his chest as he runs again. He has to get to them, to Victoria, to Diane.

To Aaron.

He can’t lose him, not now. He just can’t.

As he gets closer he can hear the shouts, the screams and he swallows back his fear, thinking about what he might find. Images of Vic or Aaron’s broken body flash before him and he pushes them away, keeps running.

There’s people and smoke everywhere and the sense of relief when he sees Vic knelt on the ground by the slide, tending to someone he can’t recognise, is so strong it almost stops him in his tracks. He hears her cry out his name and then he’s got her in his arms, never wants to let go, memories stronger than ever again.

“I don’t know what happened. Pete and Debbie were arguing and then…”

“There was an accident, at the yard. Adam’s there.” She grips his arms tightly. “He’s fine, I promise. I left him calling for help. Where’s Diane?”

“I don’t know. Andy’s with the kids at Laurel’s but I haven’t seen Diane.” He feels a flash of guilt that he’d forgotten Andy but he can’t let it linger. He has to know about Aaron.

“Vic. Where’s Aaron?”

“I don’t…he was next to Finn, I think. They were right under…” She trails off and he holds her tight again. He has to be alright, he has to.

“Stay here, alright? Call for help or something., but don’t follow me.”

“Rob, no! You can’t!” She tries clinging to his arm but he shakes her off.

“I have to. You don’t understand. I have to Vic.” He doesn’t give her chance to say anything else, just runs inside.

He can’t see, there’s dust and debris everywhere and sparks shooting from the helicopter lodged in the roof. He can hear someone calling for Pete, James most likely, but all he cares about is getting to Aaron.

A few minutes of fruitless searching later he sees Chas, hair and suit covered in dust and he makes his way over to her.

“Chas! Where’s Aaron?”

“What are you doing here?”

“Is now really the time? Have you seen him? Vic said he was in here.”

“He was with Finn.” She keeps searching, calling his name. “Robert! Here!”

“Aaron!” He’s kneeling by his side before he knows it. He’s face down and he can see his arm is bleeding but not much else. He’s breathing though, that’s the important thing. “We have to get him out.”

“You shouldn’t move him.”

“I’m no expert, but that,” He points up at the wreckage. “Isn’t going to stay there forever and I don’t fancy our chances if it comes down on top of us.”

“Leave then.” He grits his teeth, trying to keep his temper.

“Chas, whatever you think of me, can we put it to one side and focus on Aaron? You can call me whatever you want later.” She grumbles a little but between them they manage to get him outside. Robert can hear the sirens approaching. “Chas, go and get them, tell them he needs help now!”

Thankfully she listens and goes. Robert just looks down at him, brushing the dust off his face, hands finding his hair. “You’re going to be ok. You have to be, you hear?”

He doesn’t let him go until the paramedics are there and he doesn’t go far, stands next to Chas, offering her his coat when he sees she’s shaking.

“You’re back with him, aren’t you?” She hisses as they work on Aaron. He doesn’t answer, there’s no point. “Why can’t you leave him alone?”

“Why do you think? I don’t run into buildings to save just anyone.”

“You expect me to believe you have actual feelings for him?”

“This isn’t the time. I’m coming too.” He says as the paramedics announce they’re leaving.

“Oh no you’re not!”

“Chas, please!”

“Aren’t you worried your secret will be out?” She hisses again, one foot on the step to the ambulance.

“Right now I couldn’t care less. All I care about is knowing that he’s ok.” She must sense he’s sincere because she just gets on and sits down. He follows her, mind too full of worry to actually consider what he’s done.

*****

They have nothing to do but wait at the hospital and he’s never been the most patient man. Chas is the other side of the room throwing glares in his direction in between pacing anxiously.

People come and go and he idly hopes that Diane is ok, but he can’t call because Adam still has his phone. What feels like hours is probably just minutes but when a doctor finally finds them he feels like he’s been sat there for days.

“How is he?” He’s by Chas’s side in seconds as the doctor runs off a list of injuries, most of them minor, but when he says Aaron is still unconscious his head starts spinning.

“But he will wake up?”

“As I said he probably suffered a blow to the head from falling debris and we’ll have to wait and see. The next few hours will tell us more. I’ll send someone to fetch you soon so you can sit with him.”

“You can go now.” Chas spits when they’re alone.

“No. I want to know he’s alright.”

“You heard the doctor.”

“He’s not awake. Look, Chas I know you hate me but I care about Aaron. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

“Still stringing him along though aren’t you? Him and Chrissie. My son deserves better than you!”

“Why can you never trust him to make his own decisions? He’s not a child anymore.”

“I do trust him. Just not around you.” She stops when she sees a nurse at the door.

“You can see Aaron now, if you’d like.”

“Chas…” He has to see him. There’s no point staying here with her like this, but he has to see him first. “Let me see him. Please, just for a minute. Then I’ll go.”

He can tell how reluctant she is but eventually she nods and he lets the nurse lead them to Aaron’s room. He’s no hope of her letting him in alone but it’s better than nothing. Aaron’s just still and so un-Aaron like that it scares him. He sits by the bed, happier now that he can see him, touch him. He holds on tight to his hand, trying to ignore Chas standing by the door ready to turf him out any second.

“Can’t keep out of trouble, can you? Hmm? If you didn’t want to meet up later, this was a bit extreme.” He laughs a little. “I’m going to go so your Mum can sit with you, but I’ll come back later. I think she might injure me if not.” He gets to his feet, hesitates but leans down to press a kiss to his forehead.

“Finished?”

“For now. I’ll be back when he’s awake. Chas…I know you hate me, but…when he wakes up, will you call me?” He gets nothing more than a nod and then she’s letting him pass.

He doesn’t know what to do when he leaves the hospital. He feels different, like everything is finally in focus. The prospect of losing Aaron, even if he now knew he’d be fine has made things clear. He can’t keep doing this, things have to change. He’s been kidding himself for too long that he could walk away from Aaron, go back to Chrissie and forget him.

He can’t, not any more.


	2. Chapter 2

Chrissie’s in the kitchen when he gets home, everything normal, and it’s almost like the rest of the day has been a dream. His courage falters a little after he’d worked out what he was going to say on the taxi ride home.

“You’re back early.” She doesn’t look up from whatever she’s cooking and he just stands in the hallway.

“Yeah.”

“What’s the matter?” The click of her heels on the floor seems to echo louder than usual as she comes closer. “What on earth happened to you!”

“Didn’t you hear the crash?” Home Farm was a mile or so away from the village but he would’ve expected her to know about it at least. Lachlan always seemed to know what was going on, creeping about the village doing stuff that Robert didn’t want to know about.

“Well yes, but you were in Harrogate…are you hurt?” He sags a little, it’s nice having someone be worried about him. For so long no-one was and he luxuriates in it for a bit, trying to drag his thoughts into some kind of order. All he could think about was Aaron was at the hospital, unconscious and here he was letting Chrissie fuss over him.

“No. I’m…it’s nothing.”

“What on earth happened? How did you get into this state? You’re bleeding!” He looked up, saw her pointing to his upper arm. He hadn’t even realised, too focused on Aaron to notice.

“I must’ve caught it. I…there were people trapped in the hall…”

“You went in after them?” She goes off into a long speech about how brave and stupid he was and how proud she was and he can’t bear it, because he’s not brave, not at all. He wants to run, doesn’t want to deal with telling her this, watching her fall apart because he knows she loves him, trusts him even and he’s going to ruin all that.

Is he doing the right thing he wonders, the doubts starting to creep in. Can he really be happy with Aaron, can he really be happy without all this. Is he happy now, having to hide part of himself, to be the person everyone expects, the smug, arrogant chancer, only after the money, the power. As soon as he opened his mouth it would all be over, all of it gone, just like that. If he didn’t though, he’d lose Aaron, he knew he would. He wouldn’t put up with the snatched moments, the secrets meetings forever. He can’t let him go, hasn’t been able to, not since that day in the lay-by.

“Robert are you listening to me? Are you sure you’re alright? Have you seen a doctor. I’m going to call 11…”

“No! No, Chrissie, I’m fine…I, sit down a minute.” She does, but he has to get up, pacing trying to make the words come, the ones that will blow everything apart. “I need to tell you something. This morning, I wasn’t in Harrogate, I was in Leeds.”

“I don’t understand. Was the meeting moved?”

“No, I…I’m making a mess of this. I was with someone else, last night, I…” He’s expecting the slap but it stings more than he thought it would. He’s surprised her nails don’t catch him but he stands there, takes it because he deserves it doesn’t he?

“Who was she?”

“It doesn’t matter.” He’s not dragging Aaron into this until he has to, until he knows if he’s… “I’m sorry but I can’t keep lying, not anymore.”

“How long? How long have you been lying to me, crawling into my bed straight from hers no doubt.”

“Before Christmas.” He may as well be honest, she’ll find out. Everyone will and the thought makes him lightheaded, the thought of them all knowing, judging.

“Get out.” Her voice is so cold it makes him shiver. He should go, but the stubborn, self destructive part of him wants to stay, to protest, to make her change her mind even though it’s not what he wants. Now he’s faced with losing everything he’s scared. “I mean it Robert! Get out!”

He doesn’t even stop to get clean clothes, just leaves the house in the torn, smoke filled clothes, the air heavy around him as he starts walking. He doesn’t even know where to go.

*****

He ends up at Vic’s, picks up the spare key from under the big plant pot. He’s told her time and again that it’s not safe, that anyone could find it and she just laughs at him, tells him he’s not living in a big city anymore. He’s glad now though, doesn’t want to face anyone, not yet.

He finds a pair of trackies and a t-shirt that just about fit. They’re probably Andy’s and it makes him laugh. First a shower, then he’ll see what he can do to pick up the pieces of his life.

He’s not regretting it, not for a minute, but he has no idea what to do. Chas won’t let him near Aaron, but the pull to be with him is like nothing he’s felt before. He needs him to be ok because if not he has no idea what he’ll do.

It would’ve been easier if they’d never met, he knows that but the thought of it makes him shiver under the hot water. He’d known right from the start that there was something different about Aaron, something pulling him in even when he was calling him everything.

He wants to go to the hospital but Chas will be there and he’s not quite up to dealing with her again, not yet. Maybe he’ll wait for Vic to come home, make sure she’s alright before he goes.

*****

“What are you doin’ here?” Vic’s all flustered when she bursts in, still in her wedding outfit, hair a mess.

“You don’t mind do you? I needed a shower.”

“Don’t you have a big house for that?” She starts banging around in the kitchen, making tea or something and he gets up and follows her.

“Vic, what’s wrong?”

“It’s Diane. She and Val were trapped.”

“What?”

“They were in there all alone. Val’s in the hospital, Diane and Andy went with her. I didn’t know what to do. I want to wait for Adam, he’s with the police but…” He realises she’s shaking and he pulls her to him, letting her cry against his chest.

“Hey, come on, we’ll have a cup of tea and then we’ll go to the hospital. You can leave a note for Adam.”

“You still haven’t told me why you’re here.”

“Later. It’s not important.”

*****

“Do you have your phone?” He asks all of a sudden as she finishes her tea. Adam still has his he assumes. She hands it over, giving him a funny look which he ignores, finding Chas’s number instead. “Chas, it’s me. I just wondered how…Chas please, just tell me if he’s…ok. Will you call if…we’re coming to see Diane so…thanks.” He hangs up to see his sister staring at him.

“What’s going on?”

“I told you, it’s not important. Now do you want to see Diane or not?”

“Of course I do, but there’s something going on with you. I’m your sister. Why do you care how Aaron is? I assume it’s Aaron if you were talking to Chas.”

“I just wondered that’s all. I did drag him out of there. Got to make sure I didn’t put in all that effort for nothing.” The quip falls flat and he knows now she won’t let it go.

“Didn’t sound like that to me. Sounded like you were really worried.” She tells him as they get into the taxi she’d ordered, his car still at the scrapyard. “Well?”

“Leave it Vic, alright? I can’t talk about it, not yet. Not until I know he’s alright.” It’s futile, he knows her too well, never has been able to let anything go.

“You know you can talk to me about anything. Rob?”

“Yeah. I know...just not yet.”

When they get to the hospital he gets caught up in looking after Diane while Vic finds out about Val. By the time they’ve taken her home it’s late and he’s left standing in an empty hospital corridor.

“Are you alright love?” There’s a volunteer at his elbow, face kind and he finds himself sniffing a little because if he’s honest he doesn’t remember the last time someone was kind to him when they didn’t have to be.

“My...friend, he’s here somewhere. He was in that crash.”

“Oh yes, terrible business. Tell you what you sit there, and I’ll see if I can find out anything. What’s his name love?”

“Aaron. Aaron Livesy.”

She nods and then she’s gone. He wonders how many people Chrissie’s told. Lawrence is probably out for blood and that should bother him but he’s just numb. He can’t quite believe he’s told her. He thought he’d be more bothered. Maybe worrying about Aaron is making it easier. He really doesn’t know what he’ll do now. He’ll lose his job, Lawrence isn’t the type of person to let this go.

He gets to his feet as the volunteer comes back. “I had a word with the nurse and if you’re quick you can see him. It’s after hours but you look like you could do with a visit. He’s just in the ward at the end of this corridor, first door on the left.”

“Thank you.” He manages to smile back at her and walks to the room she’d indicated.

Now he’s so close he’s nervous. He doesn’t even know if Aaron’s awake but if he is, what will he say to Robert telling Chrissie. For a minute fear grips him that maybe Aaron won’t want him, that he’ll have done it all for nothing. No, he knew him better than that.

With a heavy sigh he pushes the door open.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally!
> 
> I've not intentionally ignored the whole Katie thing but let's just pretend shall we? Also I had no intention of killing Val so Ross had to be sacrificed for the greater good ;)

“What the hell are you doing here?” He comes to, to the sound of Chas’s voice, wincing as he lifts his head. He must’ve fallen asleep resting on Aaron’s bed. He looks at him, still sleeping. “Oi, I’m talking to you.”

“It sounded more like shouting to me.” He stands up because he knows she’s not going to let him stay. He was lucky he’d managed to stay all night, a sympathetic nurse just smiling when she came in to check on Aaron. She was nice, she’d told him he was showing good signs, they were pretty confident now he’d be alright. “I’m going, alright.”

“Back to Chrissie?” He doesn’t look but he can tell she’s sneering.

“No.” Now he looks at her. “I told her everything. I’m stopping at Vic’s until I get sorted…if he wants to see me.”

“He won’t.”

“If he does, that’s where I’ll be.” He doesn’t give her chance to answer, takes one more look at Aaron and leaves. 

*****

It’s excruciating keeping away but he knows it’s pointless trying to visit when any number of Dingles will be on hand to keep him away. All he can do is hang on Vic’s every word when she comes back from the pub with news. 

“Well?” He’s out of the chair the second she comes in from her shift. Nothing to do all day except wonder about the future and that only took up so much time and her shift seemed endless.

“Can I at least get my coat off before you start?”

“Vic!” He’d told her everything when he got back from the hospital, listened to her shocked questions, answered what he could until he was worn out from talking. Vic was always the best of them, took everything in her stride. “Please.”

“Chas didn’t tell me, probably knew I’d tell you, but I heard Zak and Cain talking. Sounds like Aaron’s awake.”

“Is he…I mean…” He perches on the arm of the sofa, can’t stand up any longer, the relief turning into something like fear.

“I don’t know anything else, but Chas is working, so he must be ok, right?”

“Yeah. Yeah, course, I’m just being daft.” He sighs. “Did you see Andy today?” He hasn’t seen him, but Vic had told him everything, her suggestion, knowing it would only end in disaster if the two of them talked.

“I called in to Debbie’s. It’s all a mess, she’s up at Moira’s, Pete’s nowhere to be seen. Poor Finn is stuck between his Mum and Dad arguing about arrangements for Ross. I reckon he’ll be there a few more days with the kids, at least until Debbie’s well enough to go home on her own.”

“I know he won’t want me here. I’ll find somewhere soon, Vic.”

“I told ya, you can stay here as long as you like. It’s my house.” She smiles but he knows she’s stuck in the middle, Adam barely tolerates him, and if Andy comes back he’ll be completely out of place.

“Are you going to the hospital then?” She asks when he doesn’t move.

“I don’t know what to say to him.” 

“Well start by telling him you’ve left Chrissie. That’s what he wanted, right? From what you said…”

“Yeah, but…what if he’s changed his mind? What if I’ve thrown everything away for nothing?”

“If you’re just going to sit there and wallow then I’m going to get on making my tea. Go to the hospital and see Aaron. We both know you’re going to and if I were you I’d go before the rest of his lot turn up.”

“Thanks Vic.” He gets up, presses a kiss to her cheek and grabs his jacket, unable to resist one look in the hall mirror to check his appearance, Vic’s soft laugh echoing in his ears as he shuts the door behind him.

The drive to the hospital feels long even with virtually no traffic getting in his way. He doesn’t know what he’s going to find. Aaron’s awake, but does he remember anything? He’d not answered any of his texts that morning. Was that his way of telling him it was over, that he’d strung him along too long. 

If he turned him away now he had no idea what he’d do. He wasn’t regretting telling Chrissie, not really, but the thought of having no one left him cold. He didn’t have many people in his life anyway, only Vic really and he hated the feeling of being alone. 

He peeks through the window to Aaron’s room again when he gets there, just in case he had visitors. He was in no way ready to face Cain Dingle at any point but the room is empty, Aaron laying in the bed, the white sheets making him pale. He’s awake though, staring out of the window, plastered arm resting on a pillow, bandage covering one side of his forehead. He doesn’t look anywhere near as bad as he’d been imagining the past few days though and he plucks up the courage to open the door.

He lets out a breath when Aaron smiles. It’s gone in an instant though, replaced by suspicion and Robert can’t blame him for that.

“Hi. How are you?” Aaron shrugs, never one for wanting to talk about himself. “I half expected you to have a queue of visitors.”

“Sent ‘em home. Mum was doing my head in. Didn’t think you’d come. Where does she think you are this time?”

“No idea. Your Mum didn’t tell you then?” He drops the car magazine that he’d picked up from the meagre selection in the hospital shop, suddenly realising he didn’t want to turn up empty handed. Now he feels foolish because that’s what a mate would bring or family. He should’ve come up with something better. 

“Tell me what? Sit down then, you’re making the place look untidy.”

“I, er…after the crash, I…told Chrissie everything.” Any other time he’d laugh at the way Aaron’s eyes widen.

“What?”

“I couldn’t keep it hidden anymore.”

“But, just telling her…what did she say?”

“Not much. Threw me out. I’m stopping at Vic’s. I told your Mum that’s where I was…”

“Are you surprised? I think she almost choked when she told me you got me out. I…”

“It’s alright, you’d do the same if it were me. Wouldn’t you?” He winks and Aaron laughs, the atmosphere lifting straight away. “I didn’t tell Chrissie it was you by the way. Figured I could save you that.”

“She’ll find out.”

“Yeah, but there’s no need to bring it down on us until we have to.”

“Us?”

“Well yeah. It’s what you wanted, isn’t it? Me to leave her.”

“Yeah but…you’re just in shock or something after the accident.” Has he really made Aaron feel that unwanted, that he can’t believe he’d choose him. 

“No, that’s not what it is…ok maybe it did make things clearer, when I saw you lying there in the hall but this isn’t a whim or whatever. I want to be with you.”

“And everyone knowing?”

“I’m surprised they don’t already.” He shrugs, probably not convincingly but thankfully Aaron doesn’t say anything. “I’ll deal with it. Assuming that it’s still what you want? Me and you?” 

*****

In the end he moves back into the pub, Diane overruling Chas’s loud objections. It’s too crowded at Vic’s anyway and when Andy gets back the tension is unbearable, the jibes too much and unfair on Vic so he leaves. The pub isn’t much better, Chas glaring at him at every opportunity leave him spending more time in his room than anywhere else. 

He’s taking advantage of her shopping trip to spend some time in the backroom alone, trying to figure out what he’s going to do with himself now. He’s heard nothing but he’s sure he won’t be going back to work for White’s.

“So this is where you’re hiding?” He turns to find Chrissie in the doorway, sneering at him in that way of hers.

“I’m not hiding. It’s my stepmum’s pub, it’s not exactly a shock that I’d be here.”

“I thought you’d be shacked up with your girlfriend by now.”

“Well you thought wrong. What do you want because I’m not in the mood for a shouting match.”

“I want to know who she is.”

“Why does it matter?” He finds himself hoping Chas or someone would come through to the back, anything to stop this. “It won’t change anything.”

“It will for me. I want to know. I think I deserve that, don’t you?”

“None of this is their fault. I’m the one you’re mad at.”

“I’ll decide who I’m mad at thank you! We were happy until they came along and stole you away!”

“Were we? Really? Living with your Dad, him making me feel like an inconvenience. Not everything was rosy Chrissie, surely you can see that.” She’s staring at him open mouthed. “It’s not the first time.”

“What?”

“There’ve been others. I didn’t want to tell you because there’s no point.”

“I…you married me. You stood there and made vows, when all the time you’ve been…you really are a bastard aren’t you?”

“It’s…I did love you, I never lied about that.”

“And that’s supposed to mean something to me, is it?”

“No. No I suppose not.” He sighs, getting to his feet, wanting her to leave because there’s no good way any conversation ends. “All I can say is sorry.”

“I still want to know who she is.”

“No. I told you, it won’t do any good.” He doesn’t know why he’s stalling, as soon as Aaron comes home, then everyone will know. “What difference does it make who it was?”

“I’ll find out and then I’ll make your life a living hell.” He doesn’t bother answering it won’t do any good. “Here, have this back. I’m sure she’ll like it.” He doesn’t even see her take off her rings, just them flying past him as she throws them across the room, just as the door opens and Chas stands there, mouth open.

“Am I interrupting?”

“I was just going. I hope you realise what kind a man you’ve got living under your roof.”

“Not my choice love, but if you don’t mind I’m gasping for a cuppa.” He stands there stunned as Chas doesn’t join the sniping as he thought she would.

“You haven’t heard the end of this!” Chrissie yells at him as she goes. Then it’s just him and Chas.

“Thanks.”

“I didn’t do it for you. I’d rather my home wasn’t the setting for your domestics, that’s all.” She’s banging round the kitchen, making tea. One cup. Not that he expected anything different. “Are you staying long?”

“I don’t know. Look, I know you don’t want me here but Diane said it was alright and Aaron…”

“What about Aaron?” The mug lands on the counter, tea spilling over the sides.

“Well…did he not tell you?”

“Clearly not. So you enlighten me.”

“We’re together.” They’d talked for hours that day in the hospital, both of them smiling stupidly at each other like a pair of teenagers. They wanted to keep it quiet, just for a while, because of Chrissie, because the village was grieving, because being just the two of them for a while sounded nice. He’d assumed that Aaron would tell Chas though, and now he’d put his foot in it.

“You work fast I’ll grant you that.”

“It’s what we want. Both of us. I know you don’t like me, but Aaron does. All I want is to be with him.”

“See I don’t…I don’t know what your game is. What about the money, the fancy house?”

“I don’t care about ay of that. I could’ve carried on the affair, had it all but I didn’t.”

“The Robert Sugden I know would’ve.”

“Maybe you don’t know me at all. Ever think that?”

“Not a chance. You’ll always be the same money grabbing chance who cheats on everyone. Aaron will see that soon enough.”

“If that’s what you want to believe…but until he tells me to I’m not going anywhere.” He picks up his jacket. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to pick him up.”

“He’s coming home?”

“Rang while you were out. Asked me to go.” He can’t help the little flicker of triumph in his voice at the look on her face.

*****

“Your Mum hates me.” He says when Aaron’s settled in the car. Hadn’t that been fun, going up to Home Farm to get the car and his things the day after he’d left. Thankfully Lawrence was away but Lachlan had been there just staring at him in that way of his.

“That’s not news.”

“I thought leaving my wife for her son might’ve thawed the cold shoulder a little.”

“No chance mate.” He shifts uncomfortably as Robert takes a corner too sharp. “How bad has she been?”

“Nothing I can’t handle. She’s not too keen on me being at the pub mind.”

“So I shouldn’t suggest you move into my room then?”

“I don’t know, you’re injured. She might take pity on you!”

*****

“Are you sure about this?” Aaron’s only in a towel and pulling the homemade waterproofing round his cast when he walks into the bedroom, back from collecting his black tie from Vic’s. He still needed to get round to bringing all his stuff over. “Going together I mean?”

“Don’t you want to?” It had been Aaron’s suggestion, late one night when the initial fuss had of him and Chrissie splitting up had all died down. He was getting used to being talked about in the pub, the dirty looks from the Dingles and Brenda not so subtly probing for gossip every time he wanted an Americano. So far no one but family knew about him and Aaron, neither of them particularly wanting the surefire confrontation with Chrissie until they had to.

“Of course I do, it’s just…it’s Ross’s funeral. I don’t want to cause a scene.”

“I still don’t understand why we’re going in the first place. Neither of us could stand him!”

“Because it’s what you do isn’t it? Besides, Pete asked, and he’s alright. Him and Finn can’t be blamed for having a git for a brother.” He sighs, rummaging through the few clothes he has here, the sight of Aaron lazing on the bed in a towel too distracting.

“So, you go and I’ll stay here. Pete didn’t ask me.” He hated funerals, everyone standing around not knowing what to say, people who hated the person suddenly coming out with platitudes they didn’t mean.

“So I can face all the gossip alone? No thanks.” While they hadn’t exactly made anything public, there were enough rumours flying round about why his marriage had ended and why he was living in the pub when it was well known Chas couldn’t stand him.

“You’re the one who was questioning it, not me. I didn’t go over to Vic’s for a tie for nothing you know. I could’ve joined you in the shower if you only said this half an hour ago.”

“Oi, still recuperating here you know.” He comes over to him, pulling him into a hug. “I’m serious though, it feels like rubbing her nose in it. Chrissie I mean.”

“Probably. Got to happen at some point because unfortunately none of them look like they’re going anywhere, and we’re certainly not so she’ll have to deal with it some day. Besides, I doubt she’ll be there.”

“You’re insufferable do you know that.”

“Yeah and you love it. Now if we’re going to this thing, get dressed before your mother comes up here and blames me for making you late. She’s already blamed me for the lack of milk and the bread being stale.” 

“She’ll come round.”

“I’m not holding my breath. So, we’re doing this?” He couldn’t help notice the way his hand shook slightly as he fumbled with his tie, hoping Aaron didn’t see. He knew, deep down that Aaron wanted everyone to know, wanted to put the story straight, whereas he wanted nothing more than to hide away and ignore the gossips.

“What’s wrong? You’ve never been bothered about being a source of gossip as far as I know.” Aaron sits down on the bed with a sigh. “Do you…is it me? Do you not want to go with me?”

“No. It’s…I’ve never done this Aaron, everyone here thinks they know me. They’re used to me with a girl on my arm. Oh this isn’t coming out right. It’s not you, it’s…did you, the first time you were in the pub with Jackson, was it…did you feel different?”

“Yeah. To be fair though the time before that I’d punched him in the face. Not planning on doing that are ya?” He leans in and kisses him, all sort and sweet and he relishes it, still new enough to be a novelty. “Yeah, everyone’s going to be looking and talking about us, but that’s not going to go away until we go out there and let them.”

“I know you’re right, it’s just…” He wants to tell him, tell him about his Dad, how he made him feel, but now isn’t the time. One day though, one day he’ll tell him because he trusts him completely and he’s never felt that before about anyone. “Never mind, let’s go.”

“Robert…I can go on my own, if you really want me to.”

“No. Like you say, we can’t hide away up here forever.” It’s an appealing thought though, just him and Aaron, no one to bother them. Maybe when his arm was healed they could go away somewhere, anywhere but this village where everyone was watching.

“You can tell me, whatever it is that’s bothering you.”

“I know. Not today though, eh?”

It’s cold out, the end of summer hitting full force as they join the procession of people towards the church. The village always did like a good funeral, turning out in their droves all dressed in black. He and Aaron walk side by side, Chas just ahead with Diane. He’s gotten practised at ignoring her glares and Diane’s disappointed looks. Like water off a ducks back he’d have anyone believe, but deep down that disappointment cut through him as if it were his Dad himself passing opinion.

No one really notices, at least he thinks they don’t and it’s not like he and Aaron are acting any differently, but he can’t help but look around every few minutes in the church, feeling on edge like he hasn’t for ages. Aaron keeps looking over at him, and he knows he’s worried. In the end he squeezes his hand to let him know he’s alright.

After the service they follow to the grave, neither really bothered but they go all the same. The words are about Ross but you wouldn’t recognise him from them. He wonders idly what people would say about him, nothing good most likely.

“Come with me.” He whispers when everyone’s heading for the pub, Aaron following along silently as if he knows it’s important. He leads him over to his Mum’s grave, tidy as always thanks to Vic. He should visit more often, can’t remember the last time he did, probably that day when they were all here and Lawrence ruined it.

“Hi Mum. Sorry it’s been so long.” He doesn’t look over at Aaron, doesn’t want to see the look in his eyes if he thinks he’s daft. “Everyone’s going to find out soon, about me and Aaron, and it’s stupid, but…I wanted to tell you before because I know what people are going to say, but you wouldn’t. You’d be on my side and I know you’d love him. The two of you would most likely end up ganging up on me.” He falls silent doesn’t know what else to say.

“Are you alright?” He nods, sniffs a little but stands up next to Aaron.

“My Dad…he caught me one day on the farm, with this lad.” He feels Aaron’s hand in his, holding on tight. “Ever since then I’ve hidden it, pretended, lied, anything but accept the truth. I don’t want to do that anymore.”

“You don’t have to. I know it bothers you, what people will say, but they don’t matter. Not my Mum, not Diane or Andy.”

“Yeah.”

“We don’t have to go back to the pub you know. We can get in the car and get away from here if you like.”

It’s tempting, to drive and never stop, but he’s done running away. This is his home, he shouldn’t have to hide. He’s not the first person to have an affair, and he doubts he’ll be the last.

“No. We have to face it sometime. Might as well be when everyone is there. More efficient, wouldn’t you say?” Aaron laughs, shaking his head at him, and everything instantly feels better.

“Idiot. Come on then.”

The walk back is slow, they both might agree to get it over with but it seemed neither of them wanted to hurry. Vic’s on the step waiting for them when they reach the pub and his heart sinks.

“Chrissie’s inside.”

“How’s that car ride sound about now?” He asks Aaron.

“She can’t do anything. Come on.”

The place goes quiet the minute they walk in the door, Chrissie by the bar, eyes blazing. Everyone’s looking and he wants to run, would have if Aaron hadn’t had a death grip on his hand.

“Oh look, here he is. My husband everyone. You know everyone warned me. He’s only after your money, he’ll cheat on you the moment your back’s turned, but I wouldn’t listen. You always do like to meet expectations don’t you Robert?”

“I really don’t think now is the time pet.” 

“Oh I think it is. I think everyone deserves to know exactly what he’s like. I’m only surprised that he’s still here and he hasn’t gone running to his bit on the side. What did she have that I didn’t? Hmm? More money?”

“Chrissie…”

“It’s pathetic.” It’s slow motion, the minute she realises, that split second she sees his and Aaron’s hands joined together and the penny drops and all he can do is stand there. “Oh. Oh I see now. It wasn’t more money…something a little rougher perhaps?” He grabs hold of Aaron as he steps forward. “You really had me fooled didn’t you. Let me carry on thinking you’d had your head turned by someone younger and prettier when all the time it was him!”

“It wasn’t like that.”

“Get a kick out of it do you? Running after someone’s husband, stealing them away?”

“Not sure it’s stealing really, considering he left you.” He can’t help but wince when Aaron speaks because he knows Chrissie and she won’t back down.

“Oh and what do you call seven months of sneaking around behind my back?”

“Fun.”

“Ok, that’s enough. Chrissie, I’ve apologised over and over so I don’t know what you want from me. Let’s at least try and be civil if we’re living in the same place, yeah?” He doesn’t see the glass of wine in her hand until she’s thrown it all over him.

“Drop dead!” 

There’s a moment of complete hush and then the pub explodes into noise and he finds he can’t do anything, trying to wipe the wine from his face, Vic fussing and Aaron already turned to argue with his Mum. He just lets Vic lead him into the backroom and then it’s just them, Aaron closing the door behind him, probably in Chas’s face but he can’t be sure.

“Well that went well. Vic it’s fine.” He takes the towel from her, wiping his face dry. “Did you have to wind her up?” Aaron just shrugs. “Vic, pack it in, I’m fine!”

“Alright, mardy! I’ll leave you to it then shall I?” He nods, he loves her but he can’t deal with anyone right now. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap.”

“She’ll get over it.”

“Yeah. God what a mess.” He puts his head in his hands, feels Aaron sit down beside him, hand rubbing his back. “I didn’t want any of this you know. Not that…I don’t mean I regret…”

“I know. You know the offer of that car ride still stands. I mean, you’ll have to drive but…”

“That sounds good.” He kisses him, just savouring him a moment. “I better shower then. Don’t want to get pulled over smelling of wine do I.”

“Everything will be alright, Robert, in the end.”

“Yeah.” He gets up, then stops, fingers going to his left hand. “Time I left this behind don’t you think?” Aaron’s smile as he drops his wedding ring on the table makes everything worth it.

 


End file.
